NIMBY

When I was in highschool I had a boyfriend and his family was really wealthy. His mom was on all of these boards to try and make poor peoples lives better. This is where I learned the term "NIMBY" or Not In My Back Yard . See, my old boyfriend could be very funny and instead of calling his mother "Mom" he called her Nimby.

I had to sit through a dinner where Nimby nearly had a complete meltdown because some family had won the MA lottery and were going to be buying the house next door. This was very bad for the neighborhood. There is nothing like the Nouveau riche to really bring down the property value! It was like she thought the Clampett's were going to be moving in. I'm not from a rich family (at all) so while I was listening to Nimby freak out I was secretly wondering if she completely sterilized my dinner chair once I left.

I am beginning to understand Nimby and for some reason I am ok with this. For if Britney moved to Nimby's hang-out joints, Nimby would probablly make sure she never moved again. Like ever, if you catch my drift.

There are places in Los Angeles you should go to if you want to be in the tabloids. I mean seriously, the food part of the restaurant is a front. It's really the place you want to go to be photographed.

Superstar boyfriend cheated on you and you're a superstar? Well, then to save face of course, you have a romantic dinner or lunch at The Ivy. The paps are already there, you just show up and you're in US WEEKLY as "happily reconciled". Everyone inside LA knows you're gay and you're not ready to come out? Yes, you take a hottie to Les Deux- You'll be in People, again the paps are there! So easy! Anorexic? Want your fans to think you eat? Make a res at Mr. Chows, they're there to document that Peking Duck you forced down! See where I'm going with this?

Oh, Britney. I am so mad at you! I love to watch celebrities being themselves. It's like being at the zoo or something. I love that I know every morning Brian Wilson has Special K with strawberries and tips $60.00. I love seeing A-List stars just hanging in their jammies eating breakfast. I love that I am greeted with a "hello nod" from Jon Voight and can enjoy a cig with Joni Mitchell. That's what makes living in LA surreal and fun.

Britney is crashing my party and I don't like it! The place where I go to do these fun things is a place I have been going for years. It's quiet, low-key a bit off the beaten track. A place where celebs can hang and I can enjoy watching with-out the showboat that is Robertson Blvd.

I went to my joint for dinner one night and felt like I was in alterna-universe. First of all, I thought Princess Diana had come back to life and was eating Sushi in the little complex. It was scary. No, I mean it. I was genuinely scared. There had to be atleast 60 (doesn't sound like a lot but this is a little parking lot) paparazzi photographers and vans and cars whizzing through-out the lot. They were screaming, knocking into people trying to get their shots, I saw one pap literally push a 10-year old out of his path. He thought Britney might walk that way.

I know the woman that yelled "Britney, get the f*ck out of our neighborhood" is being ripped to shreds on all the blogs but I agree with her 100%. You just don't go to a quiet haven and call the chaos to follow you there. Might I add, truly putting everyone in real danger. I have never seen anything like it.

Not only do I know she called the paps that she was coming but waited in her car until every last one showed up..Sorry but you can't cry to Matt Lauer how the paparazzi stalk you and then turn around to let them know where you'll be.

She pulls this stuff all the time and I have posted video of her last trip to my low-key place. As bad as it seems, it was way worse the night I was there.

So Britney, the world is your oyster, if I were you I would order in. Apparently that's not on your agenda. Please stick to press friendly places, you call them anyway.

Maybe it's true men are attracted to their mothers because as much as I thought she was completely nuts, I am now signing off-as Nimby.